Someone save me!
i'm feeling ultra sad over THE award!(which i OBVIOUSLY did not receive)
why am i feeling sad?
alright, frankly speaking, i'm someone who wishes to be recognised for the efforts i put into everything, not that i work to be recognised, but surely, everyone likes to be recognised for the hard work they have put in yeah?
i made major sacrifices, placed it as one of my highest priority in terms of commitment and because of this i spent a few of my holidays on it and is determined to serve even in my year 5 and 6 when i'll definitely be very busy and the whole world knows that i'm not going to change CCA because i simply love it!
So, definitely do not think that the efforts i have put in is inferior to anyone.
that's because i'm confident that i have taken pride in it and put in my ultimate effort in it! and that's what i tell my cadets! "No matter what you do, always put in 100% effort!"
usually, i really don't mind if i don't get it, e.g during camps, i'll just think that that person might have put in more effort than me and they're better!
but this time, this award is given to many people! not just one! and some of the award winners are just slackers and can't even be considered outstanding!
i know im getting kind of emotional and irrational.
but surely, i believe that my 100% effort is not anywhere inferior to this slackers!
Rawr!
now my heart has started to waver. shall i continue to serve?
i want to, and i would simply love to. but then again, i just can't think of a good reason why i should since this is all that's going to happen to me, wouldn't i be better off spending more time on my studies?
gosh, i feel sick, annoyed, depressed and irritated.
